she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
