my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Randomize
