just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
false alarm. still invincible.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
