I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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