Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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