I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
