I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
