elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I am one with the molecules
He shit in the fireplace
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
