I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
