whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
