my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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