Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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