dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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