Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
