I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
