when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
