I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
