The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
