Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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