GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm passing your future prison.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
