I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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