period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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