You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
