I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
