feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
