I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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