fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
