Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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