Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
