i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
