Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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