I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Couch. On fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
