I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
