Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
