My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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