grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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