i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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