1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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