mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
