I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
