i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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