He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
