This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
