how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
