google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
