So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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