i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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