going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
