I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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