when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
