I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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