Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
