is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
